There’s a huge misconception that taking one step backwards is failing. Instead, picture yourself driving. You approach a road block. Police are redirecting traffic while a crew works on removing a tree that’s fallen in the road. There are downed power lines and puddles from the recent storm. You must turn around and backtrack a bit, but you end up taking a detour. It takes a little bit longer, but you’ll still make it to your destination. The detour made it SAFER for you. Sometimes it’s worth taking the extra time to avoid dangerous trees and downed power lines.
So that’s where I am today.
I weigh myself on Friday mornings. I’ve been maintaining between 153 and 158 since June, even though my goal weight is 150. I just can’t seem to break those last three pounds. Today when I got on the scale it read 160. I won’t lie, I got a little teary eyed.
I’ve come a long way, and for the most part I can appreciate that my new life is much more than a number on the scale. It’s fitting on roller coasters with Arielle, and conceiving Anna after reversing my PCOS. It’s shopping at stores that don’t carry plus size clothing, and getting hugs from Jacen where is arms fit all the way around my body. That doesn’t stop my heart from sinking when I disapprove of my weight.
I think the most profound change recently was the addition of Seroquel. My psychiatrist started prescribing this for better sleep, since I was having nightmares every time I slept. This medication for sleep was chosen over some of the others because it also benefits mood disorders. It can take the manic highs down when taken daily. There’s a huge, very common side effect of weight gain. I would consider that my tree in the road.
There are other factors that I need to be accountable for also. Late night munchies, cream in my coffee, not meeting my water goals, focusing on yoga instead of cardio, etcetera. These are things I can change now. Not on Monday, not the first of them month. Right now. I even dumped my morning coffee that I’d made with cream. I decided to make a cup of tea instead.
Right now I’m on my detour. I believe the benefits from my Seroquel outweigh the weight gain. There are things I can do to manage my weight, but there’s no doubt in my mind that I wouldn’t be the same person without my medication. It’s safer this way, and I’m choosing to take the detour.
This doesn’t have to apply only to medication. Weight fluctuates. Gaining a pound or two here and there is okay. It’s normal. It just means you have to evaluate your recent choices, and make the decision to do better. Don’t fall into the binge mindset of “well, I already fell off the wagon. Let me get in some of my favorite cheats and ‘last suppers’ before continuing on my diet.” That mindset is not a detour, it’s digging your hole deeper. When you do get back on track, you’re starting in the negative. Don’t make the mistake, start right now. Get yourself a cup of water, think about how you can make dinner tonight a bit healthier. It’s never too late to make a change.
Progress is not linear. There are ups and downs to every journey- physical, emotional, spiritual. It’s important that you don’t let one bump in the road derail you all together. Take a breath, take back control, and take the detour. You’ll get there in due time.
With healthy hearts (plus patience and a bit of faith)
Kate and the Kids.