Binge Eating Recovery During Special Occasions

Yesterday I had my physical. My doctor told me I’d gained a few pounds since my last visit. I was expecting this, as mentioned previously I’m on a new medication that causes weight gain. It didn’t stop that sucker- punch feeling, right in my stomach. In addition to the guilt of gaining weight, I was completely drained from spending so much time waiting in the exam room. I had to bring Anna with me, and although she is very well behaved, three hours in an office can be especially trying.


When we finally left the office, I had to run into Walmart for some groceries. Anna was spent, and I was right there with her. My feet felt heavy, my shoulders huddled forward as my confidence and energy quickly depleted. I tried to keep a running total in my head as I threw items into my basket, and my anxiety grew as I watch the total rise. We are broke, really broke. What can we do without?


There were so many negative feelings inside of me when we reached the seasonal department. Exhaustion, depression, financial guilt, anxiety and frustration caused the sting of new tears in my eyes. I fought them back as I walked through the aisle, Valentine’s day merchandise surrounded me. Pink, red, and glitter should have lifted my mood. My eyes were drawn to all the little hearts and stuffed toys. I was tempted to buy Anna a little something for being such a good sport with our errands, but I knew it would eventually end up just being another piece of junk at the bottom of the toybox. The last thing we need is more useless junk. Then, there I was: standing in front of a wall of chocolate.


034000666140Oh, how quickly I found those Reese’s hearts. Thousands of justifications popped into my head. I deserve a treat, peanut butter has protein, it’s only 97 cents, I could use a sugar pick me up, I haven’t eaten yet today. I held one in my hand for a moment.


Guilt. Instant guilt.


Why am I wasting money on something so trivial? I was just told this morning that I gained weight, why would I buy something like chocolate? I’ve worked so hard cutting out sugar, is this really worth keto flu?


It wasn’t worth it, and I put it back.


On the drive home, Anna dozed off. I found myself alone in the quietness, which is never a good thing. My thoughts wandered as jouska set in. I started to think about the days that I would have bought that chocolate. I remembered that I would have not bought just one. I know I would have ripped that first package open while I stood in that long line to pay. Probably two or three more while I was alone in the car. I’d hide them when I got home, not because I didn’t want to share, but because of the shame that comes with buying them in the first place.


I thought about how I’d have handled stress that evening, knowing a bag of Reese’s were hidden in my nightstand drawer. I’d shut the bedroom door, and while I was alone I’d start tearing open one after another. The sugar would drowned those unhappy feeling for a few seconds. I’d chase that feeling of happiness by eating more and more, trying to extend those few seconds to maybe a minute or two. Eventually I’d look down at my lap, which would be littered with all the empty candy wrappers. Guilt sets in again, the unhappiness creeps back. What have I done? Why have I dug myself deeper? After bingeing I’d feel even more sadness, exhaustion and guit than before I started eating the chocolate. I’d want to be immediately free of that guilt, that heaviness, that sugar. I’d purge. I’d cry on the bathroom floor wondering what’s wrong with me.


Anna stirred in the back seat, bringing me back to the “now.” I could take an outside view of all the feelings I’d just been thinking about. I know that I’m not in the habit of making bad decisions anymore. I can say no, I can walk away and not buy the chocolate. Notice I didn’t say “I’m not that girl anymore.” The truth is, I will always be that girl.


Food for me is a drug. For most addicts, they are told to avoid their addiction all together. Don’t drink a drop of alcohol, stay away from the people you spent time with while you used drugs, don’t even walk into a casino if you’re recovering from gambling. Food is different. It’s required for basic living. I’m not able to keep away from my addiction all together, and the temptation to fall back into my old ways is always right there in front of me.


OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERATomorrow is my birthday. I’ve had to plan everything out ahead of time to avoid the temptation to “treat myself” too many times in one day. I know that I’m going to the juice bar for lunch, and what I’m ordering. The same for dinner, right down to the dressing and side that I’m omitting. I’m looking forward to a great day, but also scared of the sugary bait that awaits me. It’s not just food I discover on my own. So many people think it’s kind to bake a treat on my birthday, and as much as I appreciate the thought, it’s like offering a drug addict heroin “in moderation.” No day is special enough to make me forget how hard I’ve worked to get here, and how awful it would be to go back to my old ways.


I mentioned that people like to offer treats on birthdays. It’s also holidays and gatherings, where the buffet of food stretches all the way down the kitchen table. It’s not okay to tell me to “treat myself” for one day. It’s not okay to have a birthday surprise delivered to our table. It’s not okay to make me a plate, or guilt me into eating something I shouldn’t. That’s enabling, that’s pushing. You don’t realize the negative ramifications of that kind of behavior. I can’t always depend that others will be as strict as I intend to, so I’ve had to change my own way of thinking.


Originally, I thought “yes! It is my Birthday! I’ll treat myself to as much as I want!” Then, with lifestyle changes came, “no, I can’t have that.” I’m not sure why, but that statement seemed to invite negotiation. Using “can’t” made others want to rationalize the bad choice, like it was up for discussion. I’ve now had to change my mantra all together with, “ I will not have that.” It seems to be strict enough to end the nagging, but can still be said in a friendly, lighthearted way.


My vice is still hidden deep inside of me. My demons are easily accessible in every grocery store, bar, restaurant, drive thru, party and fridge that I visit. It is a minute by minute battle, and I fight it every single day. Sometimes I make mistakes and give in, and that’s an easy way to unravel. I always appreciate the support of my close family and friends, but rely on my own moral compass most. The most I can do it try to be better each day. Addiction recovery is a very long, very difficult road but I’m gaining coping mechanisms every day. Getting help was the best decision I ever made. It gave me my life back, and it makes every day a little bit easier. If you’re struggling, I encourage you to do the same.


With healthy hearts,

Kate and the Kids.

Schedule Your Darn Physical Exam.

img_0626Who has time to make it into the doctor’s office for a well visit? It’s never convenient, and it seems like it’s never a quick visit. You’re going to put it off, you’re going to dread it.. but it’s time to put your grown up pants on, and schedule your CPE!


CPE (clinical physical exam) is a necessary evil. These days diabetes and heart disease run rampant. It’s important to get ahead of the game to prevent these conditions, or catch issues early on. These appointments are typically no cost to patients through all insurances, as long as the visit adheres to preventative care.


img_0629Physical exams are also an important time to ASK questions! It’s the time to have that dark freckle looked at real quick, or ask if your menstrual cycle is within the realm of normal. What about birth control? Skin conditions? Diet questions? Trust me. Just go and get it over with.


Physical exams reduce the risk of chronic medical conditions with well visit monitoring. Your vitals during a CPE can be used as a baseline for comparison if an issue does arise at a later date.. and women, make sure you’re getting your pap and breast exams done!


img_0627As with most things, it seems that are own physicals always end up at the bottom of the to-do list. Funny though, that we keep our children adhered to their recommended well visit and vaccine schedule.

( #momproblems. )

Make your health a priority. Make an appointment for your 2019 physical. Schedule it today!

.. and if you’re feeling really productive, call your grandmother, too. It will make her day to hear from you.


With healthy hearts,

Kate and the Kids.


S.O.S Blueberry Muffin Fiber Bites (recipe)

img_0658Jacen’s had a long road with Ehler’s-Danlos Syndrome. This little known disease is a chronic medical condition that affects muscle and ligament elasticity. img_0661

Jacen has the obvious weakness in muscles like his arms, legs and abs.. and tons of joint dislocations. Specifically in his case, the weakness also extends to his cardiac tissue and GI tract.



img_0656Since the day Jacen was born he’s suffered with his tummy issues. Periodically, his tummy becomes so distended he looks pregnant. At its worst, he’s even needed hospitalization and an NG tube.

Pediatric constipation has become a wide spread epidemic, as low income families rely on prepackaged, high preservative food to make ends meet. American diets are high in affordable items like cheese and bread, as access to produce continues to err on the expensive side. Even children without medical conditions like Jacen’s struggle with chronic GI issues.img_0663


We are currently mid-struggle with a severe GI flare. I’ve been in constant contact with his doctor at Boston Children’s Hospital (bless that man, I love him.) It’s not looking good, and we are trying some home remedies to avoid being admitted.

img_0664The Doc is pumping him full of medicine, but diet and water intake is crucial in these times. I whipped up a batch of emergency fiber bites to help him out, but really the whole family loves them!









Semi-Homemade Emergency Fiber Blueberry Muffins.



1 box cake or muffin mix (whatever you have on hand.)

1 cup almond milk

1 bag frozen blueberries

2 cups almonds

1 cup steel cut oats

⅔ cup (or one individual container) applesauce


Choice of toppings

(We chose sprinkles to try and cheer Jacen up)







Soak almonds and oats in boiled water (off heat) for 15 minutes to soften.



Strain excess water, immersion blender almonds/oat mix. img_0671


Combine 1 cup almond milk, ⅔ cup applesauce and cake mix in a bowl. Add blueberries (we chose to also use the immersion blender on the fruit to reduce the choking risk for our 1 year old. This step is completely optional.)


Combine batter, oats&almonds, and blueberries.


Transfer to cupcake molds.


Bake at heat and time recommended on box mix. (Because we have not used egg, cooking time may be reduced- it also means it’s safe to lick the spoon!)


Cool and add toppings.


You’ll notice the batter goes much further with the added ingredients, usually doubling the net batter. These freeze incredibly well, and are easily transported for breakfast on the go. Try heating them up with a scoop of ice cream for dessert- YUM!


The nutrition facts on these little guys vary depending on brand of ingredients, ours worked out to be 25 grams of fiber per serving! Almonds, oats, and applesauce are fiber POWERHOUSES!


For best results with tummy issues, drink plenty of water with your high fiber foods.


You’ll notice no where in this recipe does the word “keto” show up. It’s definitely not low in sugar. Sometimes in emergency situations, we have to balance getting the right nutrients in our bodies via the most efficient method. In this case, I need my son to get his fiber in, and disguising it as little cupcakes works best.



If you try this recipe, I hope everything comes out okay for you!



With healthy hearts,

Kate and the Kids.  

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